Well it turns out that life isn’t just a bunch of roses. Sometimes I’m ready to strangle people and I get the mixed emotions of feeling mildly disappointed in myself for lacking the patience – and frustration because I’d probably face 10-30 years in prison if I do act on my more violent impulses. 

I find myself debating over whether to act on my more motivated and productive ideas for my part time jobs – or to simply sit back and let things happen as they come. Normally, one would think suggesting and acting out these ideas could lead to promotions or other such rewards – but having worked for one company for two years and watched my beloved fiancé (and other close friends) work for the other, I feel it would be a fruitless action. Perhaps I could squeak out a small pay raise from the one I’ve been working for 2 years, but the other I’m sure would just take my ideas and never implement them or expect me to implement them with minimum wage. Either way, I have lots of good ideas, but I deign to use them without proper credit or due.

Speaking of roses, we got all of the silk flowers for the wedding, enough for the bouquets and possible decorations. Now all I need is for the rest of itself to work itself out with me only having to say “Yeah, I like that,” or “No, do something else,” while I plod away doing things that slowly eat away at my working-soul.

We also scrapped the Sewing My Own Wedding Dress idea as it was giving my grandmother a heart attack on whether it’d fit my fat-body (okay not really, but I’m definitely thicker now than I was four years ago). An unplanned visit to David’s Bridal and trying on of dresses has changed the course of action. Now we just need a fitting, tailoring, and me lifting some weights so my arms don’t look like flabby cheese pressing against the prettiness of the wedding dress my dad bought me (Thanks Dad!).

I put my fiancé in charge of the food. Nothing is happening. I’m trying to not let the control freak in me scream bloody murder and take back over. This is a trust building thing. Okay? OKAY?!

I also got my shoes for my dress. So I don’t have to think about that anymore. Now I just need to make a decision on my hair.