Thursday, March 25, 2004

The Truth is oft told in Jest

Thank you for the card, Mary! Shauna and I enjoyed the letter from you, Michelle. I loved the comic, :D Britney Musie in sunglasses was brilliant.

Anyway, I think my hell week is nearing its end. I just have this weekend to get through. I have to go away this weekend to some fort and chill there from Friday-Sunday. Oh and ladies, I'm officially planning a Prom.

Thats right. Don't have enough money for a ticket? Don't want to dress up? Do you hate waiting in lines at restaurants? You think spending 60 bucks in one night for a lousy school dance is lamer than lame? Then come to my party! Yay! That's right. Girls only (Fritz may be an exception, but we won't tell him that). We'll hang out all night and watch movies and play video games. We can play twister and uh do face painting. Or pin the bullet hole on the pictures of people we hate. Yeah. I haven't figured out what we'll DO yet. But I hope you're interested cause if you know me you're supposed to come (that means you Michelle! Tell your momma you're going to Prom and when I get more details and you really wanna go gimme a call) I'm trying to think up a goofy name for it. I'll brainstorm tomorrow with my fellows. It probably won't be on Prom night, but I will attempt for it to be on that actual night.

And since we all don't dance too much we can make Allie be our dancing whore. We can randomly put on music and she has to start dancing every time.

Anyway, I'm still stressed. This weekend has me worried. It's new you know and now I'm going to be around people who expect me to behave myself. I can't be my sweet, sarcastic self without risking getting dropped. Wah. But it'll only be basically two full days there. Then I'll be home and can make my decision if I hate it or not.

I'm very pissed off right now. Erik effed up again. He said something to the Evil Newstaff People about restricted information Lauren had shared with us sometime this week.


Newstaff is full of those types of people you'll see in highschool. You know, the ones who sew together their own clothes using scraps of their parents wardrobe? The ones that walk around and declare "I am unique! I am open-minded! I support everything what the popular vote doesn't support!" Type of people. Whoop-de-do. I was immediately irritated upon meeting a majority of them. Despite their out image, they are no different than the rest of us. They're just scrabbling desperately for something- anything to give them some sort of grounds to say sternly to those they may consider the "plebeians" of the HS population- "I am different. I am unique. I know how to sew, tee hee."

Okay, I admit, at first I was like "Oo nifty. Rebel against the majority, woo woo!" but then it got old real quick. The thing is about these types of people is they are never happy. And they're usually very loud and opinionated- but don't tell them that. Nuh-uh. They are NOT part of THAT category. No-siree. Remember- outcasts. Social misfits. Feel sorry for me and my anti-social whiny ass. Okay, I'm going a little overboard but I'm basically hitting it on the nose. Talk about drama queens, Newstaff could be a theater group.

Anyway, Lauren and I became friends when we discovered we had a common interest. Cassie. :p No we're not lesbians, she's just our friends. Later on, we learned that we are both Christians and both take our faith very seriously as well as the morals that go along with it. This brought up plenty of discussions and debates that we would take part in. Those who did not share our beliefs would pose a question or situation and off we'd go.

Maybe that's when it started, but I'm not sure. Anyway, as Lauren and I became closer friends we sort of started learning more about each other. Well, I think I know more about her. I'm the type of person to talk about you, you, you and never me. I don't know why. I learn she has a little problem with one of the staff members named Allie. Since I have my dear friend named Allie and I don't want her to feel her name is being defiled by that evil creature I shall give her a new name. ((Random fact: You can type out Star Wars all with your left hand on the keyboard)) We'll call her Chewbacca for Allie's sake. Back to the story, Chewbacca is one of the loudest, opinionated, most irritating, nasal girl ever to curse the ground of Newstaff. She has an issue with Lauren but it wasn't too bad the first semester. Second semester is when the shit hit the fan. The staff only held around five new people in it, most of them all in the Rebel force minus Erik. So with this many people of course grudges are going to come out.

Our discussions continued. They started on politics, seeing as that has become a huge topic with the news. Lauren and I do watch/listen to the news and we do enjoy talking about it with other people. Apparently, Chewbacca has been listening to some of these conversations. Poor Chewbacca feels as if our conversations which often are against anyone who is a liberal or a Democrat (or a Liberal Democrat) was aimed specificaly at her. Chewbacca REALLY thought she was that special. Apparently she was locked in a closet as a child since she feels she must find attention in school during political discussions.

So she starts griping about how opinionated Lauren and I are. How we are so closed minded and won't let anyone elses opinion matter. 

And let me get this clear, we never, ever, ever had a talk with politics with anyone from the original Newstaff. They never bothered to come and join. I didn't even know they paid attention. I was happy with the idea that we were being ignored. Nope, they listened and started thinking- HEY WE FOUND A NEW WAY WE CAN VICTIMIZE OURSELVES! Not ONLY can we be the different, social, don't-know-how-to-dress-ourselves-or-breath-through-our-mouths-closed outcasts but now we can consider ourselves politically repressed by The People Who Basically Ignore Us And Never Speak To Us Ever Unless Its About An Article Or Something To Do With Strictly Newstaff. Meaning us. I'm using Star Wars terminology because its fun, by the way. Not because I really consider ourselves in a "Star Wars" situation. Stop being so fricking literal. :p

So now we're opinionated, close-minded, and bastards. And we've never talked to them. See how that can be frustrating? So its escalated to the point of where the Imperialist stayed in the closed off Newsroom- WHICH IS SO NASTY. Jeez! There is no window there, just two doors which they leave closed (A number of human bodies all in a small, closed room will not smell so great after maybe 15 minutes) so they can sit back there and impress each other by cussing and talking about white-trash topics, break things and laugh about it, oh and gossip about other people. Yes, they also ask each other, if you had to sleep with someone you're same sex who would it be. Sad isn't it? I think we talked about that stuff when I was MAYBE a Sophomore.

Yes, and the Rebels stayed out in the classroom which had plenty of ventalation and space now that the neomaxizoomdweebies all retired to their Pit of Smelly Doom. It was tense for a while and then finally it started getting bad. Hollobaugh said something to them but it doesn't matter. Remember, they are DIFFERENT. They are OPEN-MINDED. BUT DAMNIT- Since Lauren doesn't agree with her views she is a stupid slut ho who we'll give her grief because we have no other way to vent our pent up frustration of being called ugly/lame/stupid/dorky/geeky/bitchy/unable to dress properly/∨ asshole when we were in Kidnergarden-12th Grade. 

They have absolutely NO reason other than the fact that they have no tolerance for someone elses opinion.

Whatever. I can't stand Chewbacca constantly wailing in her gutteral language about "wah, wah, wah, is a wah wah wah, and wah, wah, wah, the world sucks cause I don't like it right this very second, wah, wah, wha." but I didn't say anything about her. I do now, but I think she earned that, don't you?

So I think that's about it. Oh, yes. I know several of the people (Imperialists- at this point, I'm doing it to be consistant for those of you who may be lost) have come forward and acted as if they were caring patrons who hold no ill will to any of the people who sit out in the ventalated classrooms. Hah. Honestly, its not as if we don't listen or get told by other people. Every single one have talked some sort of BS about Lauren- maybe even someone else out in the classroom- before coming toward us with friendly smiles. I'm tempted to yell FAKE in their face whenever they look at me. 

Throughout this all I've tried to be nice. I've tried to be level headed. I've pretty much emotionally removed myself from this problem to the point of where it doesn't openly bother me. I can just nod and move on and think "Lamers." Yes, I can control my anger. Though I do vent about them to other people. I'm a human, not a saint. I'm done though. I can't fake that I like them anymore. I'm sick of smiling at people only to be returned to with a blank smile- or them just walking past as if they don't see me. I'm tired of saying something and being ignored. I'm tired of faking a laugh or complimenting one of their ugly articles of clothing just so I can tell myself at the end of the day- well, at least I wasn't an ass. Who am I trying to impress? Those people? No, never. I don't care about them anymore. I don't care for unity of teamwork because it doesn't matter to them. Newstaff is not a class. Its a social club.

So I'll let you move on now...

So it was a few days ago that Lauren was talking to us about how she's going to deal with the bull that the Evil Newstaffers are putting us through. Her parents are pissed, she's pissed, and she wants Hollobaugh to do something about it. If he doesn't, she and her mother decided, then it would go to Dr. Darga (our principal) and if that didn't work, then momma would come in for a visit. So we sort of went on like that- you know how we can do that Megan and Allie- just chattering on and on about. Griping, whining, complaining, bitching whatever you want to call it.
Erik: "Uh, I have a question."
Stacey: "And I have an answer. Usually."
Laurne: "What?"
Erik: "Can I tell them this. About Dr. Darga?"
Stacey: "The evil assholes from the pits of hell?"
Erik: "Yeah."
Stacey: "No."
Lauren: "No."
Erik: "Why?"
Stacey: "The thing is, Erik. We already know they're two-faced, fake, lying, back-stabbing, assholy-oly-olyo's but if you say something to them about it, they'll be even more fake. If they're sorry, then they should really be sorry. If they're not, then, well they'll get what's coming to them.
Erik: "Oh, okay."

Okay, that wasn't an EXACT excerpt but it's pretty darn close. I think I added a few colorful descriptions, but anyway. 

Erik gets up and leaves about halfway through lunch. We figured he left to hang out with the Evil Newstaffers- who I will now refer to as the Imperialists- and we were left with our lunch table. So we sort of forgot about it.

Now to present day, Newstaff was immediately weird when I went to it today. Three people came out to talk to Lauren about an article she wrote three weeks ago that THEY lost. Then Kim Shultz(sp?) comes out of no where.
Kim: Hey, Lauren? Can I talk to you?
Lauren: Sure (Stands)
Kim: (walks out of the room)
Lauren: (stands there for a moment) Okay... (follows)

So, I'm there with Meghann Sayer trying to figure out her costume design for Megan's Kingdom Hearts idea and I hear random bits of the conversation.

Lauren: That's not the thing, etc.

I knew they were talking about the issue. So I ask her about it at lunch and it turns out Kim came out to talk to her. 
Kim: "Are you mad at everyone in Newstaff?"
Lauren: "Not everyone, but basically yeah."
Kim: "Well, don't get mad at everyone. Jessica stole you're bumper sticker."
Lauren: "Okay..."
Kim: "It's not that everyone hates you. They don't. I know everyone hates me cause I'm getting plastic surgery."

WTF? Like anyone gives a rats ass about her getting plastic surgery. She says she's getting it for her eyes. Yeah, right. FAKE. She wants FAKE BOOBS. That and she tried to make herself seem so self-sacrficing. Oh no, they hadn't asked her to go out and plead for their sorry asses. She went against their wishes. Oooh, brave. NOT.

Also, Heather went back there to look for the disk that they lost and Maggie was back there bitching about how she hated Lauren. Of course, no one said for her to stop. So- again- more lies, more two-facedness, and more backstabbing.

So we realize that they can all go to hell and we'll send them there gladly with a nice swift kick in the ass. Then Lauren wonders why they would do that and then- Ding!- we put it together.

Erik snitched.

So Erik comes to lunch very, very late and our table was full cause some random newbies were trying to sit with us and socialize but I was in a pissy, bitchy mood and basically made sure they hated me and would never come back unless they wanted to breath through a straw for the rest of their lives and I was saving a seat for Heather. It was the only open seat but, hey, we can always make room for one more, right? So I told him the seat was taken but to get another one and we'll make room.
Erik: That's okay, I didn't want to sit here anyways. 
Or something along that line. It doesn't matter, cause that basically was what he said even if he said: "Oh there's no room, I'll go elsewhere." He went to eat with the Imperialists.

So we- The Rebels- start getting really pissed. I mean, we were really mad. We were swearing and beating up the unfortunate Freshmen who were getting too close to us. Like, I wanted to take one of those rock hard rolls and whip it at someones head and then start spooning out their innards with a spork while they were bleeding from the head due to head trauma on the commons floor, sort of mad.

Lauren and I go back to class where we whisper furiously about Erik who is sitting across the room. Of course he notices and I confirm to him with my Death Glare™ that YES, we were talking about him. He looked worried for a moment, which left a strange, satisfied feeling in my stomach. I wanted to take one of the computer monitors and whip it at his head. This is not the first time he's screwed me over. Not only me, but Lauren as well.

Anyway, Lauren goes over to him...
Lauren: Did you say anything to the kids in the back (Imperialists)?
Erik: No.
Lauren: Are you sure? Cause I can't figure out how else they know about Darga.
Erik: Okay... yeah I did.
Lauren starts walking away.
Erik: Sorry.

Its times like these I ask myself how many times I'm going to let that little prick get away with doing shit like this. How many sorry's I will let him say?

Anyway, we ignore him for the rest of the hour and I go over to get my stuff together. Lauren sits down next to me and looked at Erik.
Lauren: "Do you feel better Erik?"
Erik: "What?"
Lauren: "Do you feel better now that you've gone and squealed."
Erik: "Wait a minute..."
A long period of bickering between them with me trying to stop them.
Me: "No, Erik, the thing is that-"
Lauren: "You need to keep your mouth shut."
Erik: "They're my friends!"
Lauren: "So?!"
Stacey: "That's fine. They can be you're friends but that's not the point-"
Erik: "No, I can't be friends with both of you people because you're trying to make me take sides."
Lauren: "No-"
Stacey: "SHUT UP! That's not the point, Erik. The point is that you told them something about-"
Erik: (laughing) "This is so stupid."
Stacey: "Yeah this is stupid. But its a serious situation, Erik."
Erik: "If its stupid then why do you guys go on about it?"
There's more arguing, I'm sort of muddled at this point. I didn't say much except for trying to get back to my point.
Stacey: "Basically, Erik. You told them something that we specifically told you not to tell them. That's the big problem right now. You're untrustworthy."
Erik: whinewhinewhine
Lauren: *Evil Glare*
Stacey: "You're at wrong here because you're the one who screwed up. Not us."

(Again, not exact, but pretty close to what I remember. I'm sure I didn't say exactly those words and neither did the others, but I know what was said, so I put it as best as I could from memory to paper)

So, I'm done with Erik's shit. He's done nothing but screwed me over since I've become friends with him and I keep telling myself and everyone else "Yeah, he's a real dickhead sometimes, but he's a real good friend sometimes, too." You know what? I have friends who aren't dickheads. Erik is just a jerk. He's inconsiderate, arrogant, and plays stupid so he's never at fault. He is weak. He follows the crowd to make sure he is never the victim. 

This is what I have learned after being his friend for almost four years now.

I'm done. I hope the rest of you are done, too, cause you know what? If he would treat me like that- he will sure as hell do it to anyone else. I've done nothing but defend his ass for years and I'm pretty sure- nearly positive- that he has done nothing but trash talk me behind my back. He does not defend me from others. He is a coward. And every time I try to tell him about how he acts, he closes me off, he makes me feel as if I'm being the jerk for telling him the truth.

Fine. This is the truth. Erik, in some ways I will regret losing you as a friend, but in others, I think I will be much better off.

Not that Erik will read this or anything, but at least thats out. I expect there will be confrontation about how things are going to change. That'll be interesting. Maybe there won't be. Erik does, after all, hates confronting his problems.

Originally I just planned for this to be a small update. I guess I needed to get that off my chest. 

I got my senior pictures back. Yay! Allie, don't forget to bring yours in cause I want one. :D I wish SFC Fluharty would hurry up and get his arse over here to give me my list for this weekend!

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